


Captain Underpants and the Harrowing Hostile Horror of Homophobia

by KittyKatBella



Category: Captain Underpants Series - Dav Pilkey
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, don't worry everything turns out alright
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 20:51:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17774018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittyKatBella/pseuds/KittyKatBella
Summary: A monster that Harold comes up with for a comic is a bit more personal than George realized.





	Captain Underpants and the Harrowing Hostile Horror of Homophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Well, here it is! My first ever Captain Underpants fic! I think I sort of mix the three different versions, but this is supposed to be in the Netflix series universe. They’re in 6th grade. My friend knew she was bi at like 11, so I figure it’s not too far off for George to know.

This is George Beard and Harold Hutchins. George is the one in the beanbag chair with the bi tie and flattop. Harold is the one on the floor with the rainbow t-shirt and bad haircut. Remember that now.

Harold doodled at his spot on the floor, pausing to nibble at the end of his pencil and frown slightly. George was similarly stuck, tapping his pencil against the clipboard and staring at the paper filled with deadend comic ideas.

“Have any ideas yet?” Harold asked. “Maybe it would be easier to design a monster if I knew what it should be.”

“No.” George groaned and leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. “None of these work.”

Harold blew a raspberry and rolled onto his back, looking around the tree house. His eyes landed on George’s tie, and then on his own rainbow shirt. He sat up, grinning. “What if we do a coming-out issue for Captain Underpants!”

“A coming-out issue?” George repeated as Harold plopped down beside him in the beanbag chair.

“Yeah! Like, maybe he comes out as pansexual or something. And he gets a cool flag cape!”

“Ooh, I like that.” George nodded and started writing. “But what would the monster be? Some weird old dude trying to stop him?”

“...what about like, some kind of laser zaps the Captain and makes a monster based on what makes him happy? And instead it tries to upset him. And like, he starts to feel guilty and stuff, but then he gets help from all his friends from previous comics! Like a big superhero meetup!”

“So the monster like, represents homophobia?” George asked.

“...yeah.” Harold shrugged and scratched his arm, glancing the other way. “Yeah, kind of. But then at the end they defeat it by like, punching it away.”

“That's good, I like that,” George laughed. He quickly started writing, queuing Harold to settle back into his spot on the floor. He tried to think: what would a monster based on homophobia look like? Really super ugly. He laughed to himself and started to draw.

_ Captain Underpants and the Harrowing Hostile Horror of Homophobia _

_ So this one time, Captain Underpants was flying around around the city looking for lunch, like hotdogs or something because yum, hotdogs, and he was so hungry. But then he found this parade thing, and everyone was wearing a bunch of colors and they had capes too! And Captain Underpants thought “There's a superhero parade! I'm a superhero I should join!” _

_ And so he flew down to the parade, and he was like “Hey superheros, sorry I'm late, no one told me there was a superhero parade!” But it turns out it WASN'T a superhero parade, it was a gay parade, where like a bunch of people get together and celebrate being gay because, pfft, hello, it's awesome. _

_ So Captain Underpants was like “Oh that sounds like fun! But what's gay?” ‘Cause he like, didn't know. And they were like “It's when you're a boy and you like boys, like like-like.” And Captain Underpants liked that, because he like-liked boys sometimes! But he also like-liked girls, and people who were like not either of those ‘cause he just liked everyone. And someone said “That's pansexual dude!” and Captain Underpants was like “Woah cool!” _

_ And someone gave him like, a pansexual cape and Captain Underpants was like “I'm gonna tell all my friends!” But suddenly when he was flying off, a big laser shocked him like “Bzz bz-shck!” It was these mean alien dudes who wanted to test their new laser on poor Captain Underpants! And when they flew off a big ugly storm starting forming, and it had a really ugly face like this! _

_ And the storm was like “I'm gonna make sure you're never happy, liking boys is gross!”  And Captain Underpants didn't see why because everyone at the parade was so nice, so he started fighting the storm! But it kept repeating all the mean stuff, and Captain Underpants started thinking that it was right!  _

_ But then a bunch of superheros appeared to help- it was all Captain Underpants’ friends! “What are you guys doing here!” He asked. “Well we’re here to help you beat up this storm!” And they did! It was like “Wham!” and “Pow!” and the storm was all “Noooooo listen to meeeeee!” But no one was listening ‘cause they were too busy beating him up! _

_ When the storm was all gone, all the superheros high-fived and celebrated. Captain Underpants even told them about the parade and being pansexual! And they all gave him a big hug and joined the parade with him because it was awesome, the end. _

* * *

 

“New comic! Brand new  _ Captain Underpants  _ comic, hot off the press!”

Kids flocked around George and Harold as they passed out copies of the new comic before classes started. The two boys even went up to Melvin, who was sitting by himself at his desk like always.

“New issue of  _ Captain Underpants,  _ Melvin. Sure you don’t want one?” George grinned and held out a copy. Melvin raised an eyebrow and took it, skimming the pages.

“...You made a comic about internalized homophobia?”

“Inta-what?” Harold blinked.

“Internalized homophobia.” Melvin rolled his eyes and handed the comic back. “It's when you're mad at yourself for being gay?”

“Oh,” George said. “Nah, they're just fighting a cranky monster.”

Melvin shook his head and went back to his book. “Whatever. I don't want a copy, just like every other dumb comic.”

“Whatever man.” George took Harold's hand and lead him off to continue handing out comics.

* * *

 

_ “George and Harold to my office. Now!” _

The boys sighed and left their classroom, walking down the hall to the office.

“What do you think we did this time?” Harold asked.

“I dunno man. We haven't done any pranks yet today.” George held his chin in thought.

“Maybe he found out about the plan for tomorrow?”

“Eh, it's probably just because we made another  _ Captain Underpants. _ ” George shrugged. “Mr. Krupp hates them.”

They entered the office. Harold bit his lip, almost nervous. What if they were in trouble for the  _ contents  _ of the new issue this time?

“George and Harold.” Mr. Krupp sat at his desk, looking at the two of them over his fingers. “I wanted to talk to you about this comic.” He slid the newest  _ Captain Underpants  _ forward on his desk. Yup, they knew it.

“Ok, we get it, no more comics blah blah blah,” George said. “Is that it, can we go?”

“No, you-!” Mr. Krupp sighed and rubbed his face, his expression softening just a bit. “Boys, is- is anyone giving you any trouble? About this comic?”

“ _ What? _ ” They blurted together.

“I mean is anyone… being mean, because of what it’s about?” Mr. Krupp looked really weird about actually showing concern. George and Harold looked at each other, confused. Was this a trap or something?

“Nnnnoo…? Everyone’s cool,” George answered.

“Yeah, everyone likes it,” Harold agreed. “You’re not… mad?”

“Of course I’m mad! You’re not allowed to make these!” Mr. Krupp snapped, waving the comic. “But-” He pinched his nose. “No, I’m not mad because it’s gay. Are either of you boys- are you dealing with anything like the monster in this?”

“You mean people being mean? Isn’t that what you just asked?” George looked confused.

“No, I mean- what the monster itself is based on. That’s not just- it’s not just based on other people being mean, is it?” It was very clear that Mr. Krupp was uncomfortable with the conversation, which confused the boys even more.

“Oh, you mean that intalized stuff Melvin was talking about?” George asked. “Nah, I don’t think so.” Harold bit his lip, rubbing his arm and looking away at the floor. George leaned forward on his chair and looked over at him. “...Harold?”

“I don’t know, I-I guess what Melvin said kinda… made sense.” Harold shrugged.

“Ah jeez.” Mr. Krupp sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen kid, uh- I don’t know why you feel… like this, like if someone was mean to you or you’re just… yeah. But, uh- there’s nothing wrong with it. Ok? People are gay, it happens.”

“Thanks… Mr. Krupp,” Harold responded, blinking in shock. Mr. Krupp was  _ never  _ nice to them.

“Yeah yeah. Just get back to class.” George and Harold hurried out of his office before he could change his mind. “And don’t let me catch you making any more of these comics!” He glared out the door before looking back at the comic and lightly touching a finger to the pansexual cape Captain Underpants was wearing.

He almost smiled.

* * *

 

“That sure was weird, huh?” Harold asked as they walked back to class. “Mr. Krupp is  _ never  _ nice to us!”

“Yeah, weird,” George agreed. “Are you sure you’re ok, buddy?”

“Yeah, I’m- I’m fine.” Harold smiled a bit. “It’s good, man. I guess I’ve just felt kinda weird since we went to the future.”

George smiled back. “It  _ must  _ be weird, huh? I had to figure it out myself, you knew before you even knew! It’s kinda crazy.”

“Our lives are crazy.” Harold laughed.

* * *

_ Meanwhile, all the way up in space… _

Three aliens were fighting over a remote in their U.F.O. The language was foreign, but anyone could tell that they sounded like teenagers. One of the aliens held the remote away from the other two, and a laser below the ship moved around wildly with the remote. 

Suddenly, the remote was smacked to the ground and the button was pressed. The laser shot down towards Earth, making the aliens pause. One of them quickly jumped into the driver's seat and flew them off.

* * *

Back on Earth, George and Harold were walking around the playground at recess. Everyone was sitting around, reading the newest  _ Captain Underpants  _ issue.

“You know, I think this might be one of my favorite issues yet,” George said, and smiled as he held out the original copy of the issue.

“Yeah! I'm gonna be honest, I didn't think everyone would like it this much-”

Suddenly, the laser from the alien spaceship zapped Harold and knocked him backward.

“Oh my gosh!” George panicked and kneeled down next to his best friend, shaking his shoulder. “Harold, are you ok?” The boy groaned, and suddenly a storm began forming from his head. George gasped and watched as the storm grew bigger and bigger, and a big ugly face appeared on it as it towered over the school. The kids all screamed (as you do) and ran around in a panic as the storm monster started attacking the school.

“Uh-oh!” George cried. “Harold, we have to get Captain Underpants-!” 

George was cut off when he pulled on Harold’s arm, but the boy didn't move. Instead, he was sitting on the ground and staring up at the monster with a mix of fear and despair on his face.

“Harold?” George waved his hand in front of Harold's face, but no response. “Come on, man! What gives?!”

“Leave me alone,” Harold sobbed-  _ sobbed _ \- Harold never cried- and pushed George's arm away, burying his face in his arms. George’s frown deepened; something was definitely wrong.

George ran off, bursting into the school to find Mr. Krupp. Chunks of the building broke off into the storm (how the school could afford repairs once a week George never knew), and all the kids were screaming and hiding under desks. As George ran, he crashed into exactly what- or rather, who- he was looking for.

“You!” Mr. Krupp yelled. “I know you have something to do with this! What did you-?!”

“No time!” George cried, snapping his fingers. Instantly, the man stripped to his underwear and grabbed a piece of red fabric from the school display, tying it around his neck.

“ _ Tra-la-laaaa! _ ” Captain Underpants announced.

“Captain Underpants, there's a storm attacking the school, you gotta hurry!” George dragged the superhero outside.

“Oh my! That doesn't look very nice!” Captain Underpants said, looking up at the face of the storm. It growled with sharp teeth, breaking away more of the school. A few kids were pulled into it and spun around the outside before being spat back out.

“You gotta stop it!”

“Oh yeah!” Captain Underpants laughed and flew towards the storm. As he tried to fight it, George looked around desperately for Harold. He was exactly where he had left him, only now laying on his side and crying heavily.

“Harold! Harold, buddy!” George ran over, kneeling down next to him. “What's happening to you, Harold?!”

“It's right, George!” Harold sobbed, covering his face with his hands. “It's right, I know it's right!”

“What are you-?” George jumped as Captain Underpants was slammed upside-down against the wall beside them.

“That storm keeps whispering mean things!” Captain Underpants frowned, righting himself and standing up.

“Whispering-?” George turned towards the storm, and, listening closely, he could hear what the superhero was talking about. 

_ “You're just disgusting.” _

_ “You know it's wrong. You know it. Freak.” _

_ “Everyone hates you. They hate it. They hate you, because it's  _ **_bad_ ** _.” _

_ “You dragged him down with you. It's your fault. It wouldn't have happened if you weren't-!” _

George's eyes widened as he looked back at Harold. Was all that what he had been worried about?

“This storm is such a downer, man!” Captain Underpants flew back up to the storm, trying harder to beat it up. Harold screamed, doubling down around himself and wrapping his arms around his sides. The more Captain Underpants attacked the monster, the greater Harold's pain seemed to get.

And then George got it.

“Captain Underpants!” He yelled, trying to get the hero's attention. “CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!”

“Huh?” He was knocked back out of the sky, landing a few feet in front of the boys.

“We can't attack it! It's hurting Harold!” George told him, trying to ignore the whispers in his ears. If he listened to them, he was sure he'd start to believe them.

“Hurting Harold?” Captain Underpants frowned. “But then how do we defeat it?”

George started pacing, trying to think. The whispers started to seep further into his mind, almost personalized-  _ “At least they have the decency to pick a side-”  _ George shook his head, growling. It wasn't bad, he told himself determinedly. It was normal! People all over the world were like them! It was fun!

A loud screech came from the storm, as if it were hurt. George gasped. His eyes widened.

“I think I know what to do!” George told Captain Underpants. “But we need help! Stay here!”

George hurried into the school, quickly looking around. Several other students were hiding, and some were throwing things at the storm in a futile attempt to hurt it.

“Erica!” George ran over to the girl, tugging at her arm. “Erica, we need help!”

“What are we supposed to do?” Erica asked.

“I think I figured it out, but the more people, the better,” George told her.

“Is this you imbeciles’ fault?!” Melvin snapped, popping up from under a table. “It always is!”

“We didn't do anything! This time! Look, I just need some help-” George ducked and covered his head as Captain Underpants broke through the ceiling with Harold in his arms.

“I think the storm is hurting Harold!” Captain Underpants frowned, setting him on the floor. 

“What's going on with him?” Melvin asked.

“I dunno! Some weird laser thing zapped Harold and then this thing formed and it's saying mean stuff-!”

“It's saying  _ homophobic  _ stuff!” Melvin slapped his forehead. “You dolt, it's  _ internalized  _ homophobia!”

“Um, I don't hear anything!” A student spoke up.

“You can't hear it?” George and Melvin asked, confused. The girl shook her head.

“Ok, well, that's not the point!” George flinched and looked back at Harold. He went and kneeled next to him, lightly holding his shoulder. “Harold? Buddy?”

“I'm sorry, George. It's my fault you're-” Harold gulped and sobbed. “Y-you had a chance to- to be n-normal, bu-but I-”

“Harold, it's not your fault I like boys too,” George assured, helping him to sit up. “Y'know, thinking about it- do you remember that new kid in like, 3 grade that I kept wanting to prank?”

“ _ Him _ ?” Harold laughed a bit, sniffing and rubbing at his cheeks. George blushed and shrugged.

“Maybe! But it's not your fault. You just helped me like, figure out that boys are even an  _ option. _ It's awesome!” The storm outside screeched loudly and growled.

Harold smiled softly, but then frowned and looked down. “But it's weird, isn't it?”

“Actually, homosexuality has been found and documented in about 500 species,” Melvin spoke up. “Humans are no weirder than the rest of the animal kingdom, save for we're the only ones with homophobia.”

“...can dolphins be gay?” Harold asked quietly.

“Mm-hm.” Melvin nodded. Harold grinned. The monster began to shrink and screamed, pulsing slightly.

“... Doesn't… doesn't everyone hate it? Me?” Harold asked quietly. George set a determined face and sat down next to his friend, hugging him tightly.

“We don't hate you, Harold,” Erica said, stepping forward. 

“Yeah, we don't mind it,” another student agreed.

“I don't like you, but just because you're annoying.” Melvin folded his arms and looked away. “Not because you're gay. That's just mean.”

“You're super cool, yo!” Captain Underpants smiled. The other students nodded and spoke in agreement. Once more, the storm cried out and shrank even more.

“It’s shrinking!” Erica pointed out. At this point, the storm was trying desperately to get at Harold again- everyone could hear it shouting now.

“Harold, you can’t listen to it!” George held onto Harold’s shoulders. “You have to ignore it! It’s lying to you!”

Harold squeezed his eyes shut and covered his ears. “You’re wrong,” he said to himself- to the storm. “You’re wrong! You’re lying!” The storm kept shrinking and shrinking. “There’s nothing wrong with it! THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY!”

The storm let out one final scream as it shrank and finally disappeared completely. Everyone froze for a moment before George and Harold laughed and tightly hugged each other.

“Woah! That was cool, it’s gone now!” Captain Underpants smiled.

“I can’t believe you were scared about… all that,” George said. Harold shrugged, resting his head on his best friend’s shoulder. He sniffed and rubbed at his face.

“I wasn’t, really. I didn’t believe any of it. But then it just got a lot… stronger.”

“I wonder where the laser came from,” George said. Suddenly, a pipe burst in the half-destroyed school and directly hit Captain Underpants. The boys burst into laughter as Mr. Krupp sputtered and came to.

“What- George, what did you do?! What happened to the school?!” Mr. Krupp yelled. “AND WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES?!”


End file.
